Ok, time to get real people.
I realize that a majority of my posts are positive, cute, funny, or random. The tone to my posts typically is positive (at least that’s my hope). I fear that because of the tone, people are under the impression that this parenting gig is a piece of cake and that I have the easiest, happiest babies on the block.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
The reason I blog about the happier moments is because those are the moments that I want to look back on and remember in times of frustration and exhaustion. It’s not because I am trying to pretend like everything is perfect…it’s just that I know that if I sit here and write about all of the hard things, I will dwell on it too long, and it will turn into complaining, and that’s not my goal.
So, I am here today to process (through writing) a bit. Bare with me.
Parenting is kicking my butt right now. Not just a little. A lot. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom (actually, that title still sounds weird, to me)….I love my babies….I love that I am able to stay home and take care of them. I truly wouldn’t want it any other way.
But we are WAY WAY WAY past the stage where the babies sleep all day. We are past the stage where they quietly coo. We are past the stage where they are entertained by a dangling stuffed monkey. And because we are past those stages, we are into some new stages that are yes, exciting, but also very difficult, exhausting, and at times frustrating. I said it. I get frustrated with my babies.
This is that part that is frustrating. They both need me at the same time. They are both uncomfortable but can’t tell me what exactly is the problem. They want to do things that they can’t yet do (crawl, sit up, etc.) and I can’t always aid them in doing this things at the moment they want to do it. Recently, I have found myself acting in a way that I am not proud of, and thinking that it will change the babies’ behavior. It’s silly, really.
But the biggest frustration comes when I don’t feel that I am adequately meeting the babies’ needs….
Side note: I don’t want to diminish the job it is to parent and raise one baby at a time. I know that if I had had one baby first, I would have had similar feelings as I am having now with two babies. But, I will say that I know for a fact that raising twins is no joke. It is a completely different ball game. People try to compare my experiences with theirs. While it is similar in some ways, it is drastically different in others. So when people say “Oh, you are meeting their needs Tina, don’t be silly…” I simply cannot meet the twins’ needs in the same capacity as a single baby parent does with their baby. Just keep that in mind as you continue to read.
I have had lots of people share encouraging words with me over the last 6 months…”God knew you guys could handle this..” “You’re doing a great job…” “You know that not everyone could do this…” Those words are kind, and boost me when I need them. But the reality is still that I often have to let a baby cry to help the other. I can’t always hold the babies and just snuggle them when they need it the most. Life feels like the military around here….do this now, do that now. I am frustrated that I don’t always know what my babies’ need when they cry. I am frustrated that their “unhappiness” at times seems to be a direct result of me, because I am the one with them primarily.
So there ya go. It’s hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined.
And while it’s extremely hard and frustrating in moments, please know that I love those babies to pieces. Despite all of the crying, all of the screaming, all of the unknown….I love them. They make me laugh, smile, and work harder than I ever knew was possible. I’m so thankful for them and what I am learning in this season of life.
P.S. I was trying to figure out how to turn off the comments for this post. I am not writing and posting this to look for sympathy or for people to feel badly for me. I am just writing it because it’s a part of my life. And that’s what this blog is about. Can’t figure out how to turn off comments, though. So if you have something to say…..just say it in your head 🙂 Ha!